*Sex Tarot Question* A Sexual Aversion

Someone came up with a really great question the other day for the "Free Monthly Tarot Reading." and I want to share with you how tarot can help clarify rather sticky, delicate matters.

Ms. Anon writes - "My boyfriend will not have sex with me during my period, and I'm realizing that's not going to work out for me for the long run. I'm wondering what would be the best approach to try and change this dynamic, and how likely that it will be successful." 

I asked the tarot using the Herbal Deck.  The first card represents - What is at the root of this problem?

 
We have a root herb coming up, 5 of Wands.  It looks like this issue may be being used as a scapegoat for hidden resentments and other conflicts in the relationship.

The wands could represent the erect male sexual energy of your boyfriend that isn't under the control of your female energy represented by the turmeric plant with it's roots firmly planted on the ground, immobile in it's rooted-ness or possible stubbornness over the issue.

Your boyfriend may feel intimidated or even fearful of the demonstration of your fertility and your uninhibited desire for sex during your period.  Underneath it all, he may be afraid that he won't be able to "perform" sexually.

It's interesting to note that one of the uses for turmeric is for easing PMS and regulating the menstrual cycle.  Perhaps you want sex during this time partly to ease how you physically feel during your Moontime.

Next, the card on the left represents - How your boyfriend sees the matter.   On the right, how you see the matter.

The 5 of Cups indicates that this issue really depresses him and he doesn't want it to ruin your relationship.  He may consider having sex while you're menstruating not only as a big bloody mess, but as something dangerous, full of germs.  (Horsetail is used as a blood purifier.)

He may not really understand why it's so important to you.  He just wants to close his eyes and have the whole thing disappear.  Perhaps blood and periods remind him of something else from the past he'd rather not think about that really turns him off.

He is firm in his feelings about this issue right now.  Note the cup standing alone behind, supporting him.

The 7 of Swords indicates that you may think that the relationship is up in the air, unstable when you don't get sex when you want it.  The two swords in the ground may symbolize that for you, sex is grounding; it puts you mentally at ease that all is well in your coupledom.  Wood Betony can be used to ease anxiety and may show that is part of the issue here.

The next card on the left represents- The best course of action.  The card on the right is the outcome.

Nine of Wands!  Looks like the best course of action for you is to step away from the conflict.  Regroup.  Look inside yourself to analyze the reasons this has become an issue for you and your boyfriend.

What have you learned from this conflict?  What are the things really worth fighting for?  What is the true nature of your sexual desire?  What does having sex during your period mean to you on a spiritual level?  Anything?  Many things?

Perhaps you'll see that this issue has made you grow in being able to assert your desires, but can you let go of this particular demand?   It is for you to decide during this time out.

It's interesting to note that Bayberry bark can be used to reduce excessive menstrual bleeding.  If blood is the main issue for your boyfriend, perhaps you can find a way to reduce it through using a menstrual cup or diaphragm, for instance.  Check with your doctor about it first.

The outcome is the Suspended Person, in other decks known as the Hanged Man.  You'll go with the flow!  OK, what does this mean?  It could mean that you'll be more relaxed about "going away" from sex during your period.  Or, it may mean that both of you will be more relaxed about the issue once you have your 9 of Wands time out.

This card shows the cooling of hot, fleshly desire.  Kelp symbolizes the softening of rigid viewpoints.  It also may indicate that you willingly accept that you cannot control another person and through that understanding, you'll flow towards a place of unconditional love.

I send Anon and her boyfriend peace and love and happiness.  Please feel free to comment on the reading or share how you'd interpret the cards.

With Love...

*Sex Tarot Question* Are You Selfish In Bed?

We all want to think that we're great lovers, right?  You don't?  Well, I'll admit that I think I make my partner pretty darned satisfied...

Painting by Pál Szinyei Merse

But wait, what if there's something your love isn't telling you?  What if there are ways in which you only think about your own pleasure that doesn't feel so good for the one you're doin' the do with?  What if you are sexually selfish in some way?

Tarot can help.  Of course, that's only if you really want to know!  You can start with just one thing and ask-

In what way am I selfish in bed with _____?  (Fill in their name.)

I got the Wheel of Fortune!

How to interpret this?  The first thing is to actually look at the picture.  Who am I in this image?  I am the Sphinx at the top.  Hmmmm...  I do like being on top most of the time.  I think he likes that, though.

What does the wheel imply?  Something that turns.  Taking turns!  He does like to change positions often, and enjoys a little doggy style, too, which I can see from the devilish looking creature underneath with the wheel conveniently on its back and derriere.

Napoleon at the Great Sphinx in 1798

What else about the Sphinx?  She is silent.  Mysterious.  Kind of intimidating with that sword in her hand, no?  Seems it may be a bit selfish of me not to give him some sex talk.  After all, he LOVES talking dirty in bed and obviously returning the favor would spice things up for him as well as let him know specifically how he's making me feel good.  Sure, moaning might work for some people, but he needs actual words.  Speaking of words, aren't there books on every corner of this card?  By not talking I might make him feel judged, which would explain the sword symbolism.

There's another thing about the Wheel of Fortune, which is laughter.  I mentioned this in a past blog post.  It's true that I like to laugh during sex.  I know that he doesn't always know why I'm laughing because he will ask.  And do I tell him why?  No.  Isn't that selfish of me?  Perhaps that makes him feel like he's doing something foolish?  That isn't why I laugh, but like the Sphinx, I do not tell him.

Whew!  Yes, I have been selfish in bed and I haven't even addressed the winged creatures quietly reading in the corners of the picture.  You'll notice I said quietly.  That just popped out.  I see a theme here.  I have not told him the pleasurable things he teaches me (books they're reading) nor how my body feels like it has wings when I'm with him.  We fly together and I haven't told him (yet) what an angel he is for that.

Please email me if you know who the artist of this image is.

I really learned a lot from this one card!  And it would be so simple for me to make sex much better not only for him, but for both of us, if I implement the advice.

Now what about YOU?  In what way are you selfish in bed?  I would love to hear what insights you get and whether you implement them!

With Love...

*Sex Tarot Question* What Are You Hungry For?

Ever notice there are times when you reach for a piece of chocolate, that once it's in your mouth, you realize it wasn't what you were hungry for?  C'mon now, I know it's happened to you!  So what do you do?

Do you eat another piece just to make sure it wasn't right?  Reach for the potato chips?  Knock back a couple of beers?  Or do you figure out what you're actually hungry for?

If single (or not!), you might find yourself hooking up with someone when what you really hungered for was an intimate conversation of the verbal variety.  Or something else, like affection.  Or maybe you just crave an adventure? 

Of course, you might think you want a hiking buddy, but somewhere along the trail you look at that butt marching in front of you and realize that what you really desire is some mind blowing sex!  How to clarify this confusion?

Tarot to the rescue!  Get out your deck and ask -

What am I really hungering for? 

I got the 2 of Pentacles.  Well, with his two balls and hat between that looks like a condom wrapped phallus, I could interpret this to mean that I'd like to get laid!  But, is that the answer? 

How do you know when to interpret the card sexually or the "regular" way?  The first thing is to look at your life, reference the card to what is currently going on. Yes, I could say that I'm hungry for some balance in my life.  True.  However, what will help me feel balanced in body, mind, spirit?  For me, a good roll in the hay is definitely the answer.  Be as honest with yourself as possible.  Be open.  And if you still don't know the answer...

Pull another card -

The Devil.  Um, yes, I do believe that getting naked, down and dirty would feed my craving today. 

What are you hungry for?


With Love...

*Sex Tarot* The High Priestess

When it comes to sexual loving are you the High Priestess?

If someone invented one word for you it would be "moody".  Yup, you need to be "in the mood" to allow someone to disrobe you and get to your secret fountain of delight.  No one could ever accuse you of being easy.

 The High Priestess by Ellygator

This does not mean that you don't crave physical intimacy.  No.  But it better be with someone who can do it better than you can as you've practically made a study and practice of sex for one. 

Though you may appear the shy innocent, you can teach the secret techniques of tantra.  Or enact taboo fantasies akin to the rape of Persephone by Pluto.  The partner who lures you out of your lair may be in for quite a surprise!

Niki de Saint Phalle's Tarot Garden

When you do find the one who will take you to the emotional security you desire, your gift will be to shine a nurturing light on their tender offering of love. Only they better be careful, 'cause you are one fertile witch!

With Love...

*Sex Tarot* The Hierophant

Is your sexual style the Hierophant card?

You adore luxurious surroundings in which to arouse your partner’s ardor.  Satin sheets, lots of soft pillows, velvet drapes and sumptuous oriental carpets are your fantasy of a love nest, along with fine wine and rich food which can hold the keys to the subtle art of seduction.

Voyager Tarot by James Wanless, Ph.D.

You’re a sucker for massage, reveling in the sensual delight of your skin.  You cannot resist a lover who plays footsy or secretly gropes you under the table at dinner, either.

Paulina Tarot by Paulina Cassidy

You may be slow to get started and even a tad lazy during bedroom games, preferring that your partner “do” you.  Also a bit conservative, your preference for the missionary position can get a bit boring, but your lover will never accuse you of lacking stamina once you get started.

Reinhard Schmid’s Tarot

 

A traditionalist at heart, you’re not above pretending you’re practically still a virgin, while you get tremendously turned on by hearing the whispered confessions of your partner’s past carnal exploits.

There’s something a bit of the hypocrite in you, though.  While you act like there are only a couple of ways to properly engage in the sex act, you are not above playing dominance and submission games if you find the right playmate.

 Goddess Tarot by Kris Waldherr

In the end, holy matrimony is what you truly desire in order to fully unleash your inhibitions.  You search for the one who will faithfully serve you, so that you may serve in return.  But until that One is found, there is nothing like staring down into the face of the one you're with right before they lift your robe to take you to the beyond...  Is there?

 Nextia Design, Spain

With love…

*Grown-Up Story Time* Aries and Mars 101A

In astrology, planets are associated with signs of the zodiac.  Mars is associated with Aries, or is said to rule it.  Mars is the planet of action and drive, including the sex drive.

Mars is about thrusting forward and thinking about it later.  It's about me first, my passions, my desires, my needs and the impetus to go after those things without concern for anything or anyone else around.

Mars will go forth in the style of the sign it is in, so, if Mars is in Scorpio, for example, it might get it's desires met through stealth.  If it's in Cancer, it might resort to whining until it's given what it wants.  If it's in Leo, it might get it's passions fed through dramatic displays of affection.  

 By Hoshino-Libra

Each astrological sign is like a costume or character that Mars wears during the time it's in a sign as it moves around the zodiac.  When you were born, Mars was transiting or traveling through a particular sign at the moment of your first breath.  This became your Mars sign.  (If you don't know where Mars is in your astrology chart, you can get one for free here.)  Your Mars is how you go get what you want in life.

 "Aries" copyright Chea Maria 2010

Aries is the first sign of the zodiac.  It marks the first day of spring and is, not surprisingly, concerned with being first, so it can be a very competitive sign.  Aries time of year is also lambing season and mating season.  I've noticed that Aries people, male or female, will generally have a great love for babies and children will respond to them like magic.  Aries is the sign of new growth, the pushing outward with the instinctive, unstoppable impulse to create new life.  Aries is the initiator, the trail blazer for the fruition that will come later during the fullness of spring during Taurus.
 

So what happens when Mars is in the sign of Aries?  Well, we are experiencing that right now.  It means that Mars is very comfortable running around, getting it's agenda met and is very impulsive and hard to stop.  It feels at ease in Aries and wants to go, go, GO!  Suddenly, it stops being the martyr to other people's agendas (Mars in Pisces) and wakes up screaming, "HEY! What about ME!"  Have you noticed yourself being more energized since April 1st?

 

Mars may get angry if it's stopped and create fights, or it may get fired up and need to release it's energy in it's opposite, Venus.  And you know how Mars will want to do that, right?  You don't?  This is where the sex part of the drive kicks in.

The following is a little ode to Mars in action...  Happy Spring!

<*WARNING*  Explicitness ahead!  Don't like erotica?  Don't continue!>

*Sex Tarot Question* I Hate It When You...

How do I let my lover know that _________ is turning me off?  This could be anything from body odor to an attitude, to even a habit they have. 

Obviously, starting out the discussion with "I hate it when you... !" isn't going to get the desired result, though unfortunately, it's pretty common for mates to talk to each other this way.

Here's an example of a question I asked the cards -

How do I let H. know that the cologne he wears is turning me off?

Card #1 - Attitude that will get a negative reaction or how NOT to let him know -

Being coy, cute or coming across like a little girl asking Daddy probably won't go over too well.

Card #2 - Best attitude or approach to let him know -

Remind him of something that he asked me for that I complied with, for example, not eating raw onions before kissing him and then with a bit of humor, let him know that there's something that he could do to make sex better, too.

Card #3 - What will sweeten the message?

Hug and massage him a bit, get him a little physically relaxed before broaching the subject.

Card #4 - What reaction to expect.

Looks like he'll definitely be willing to work with me on this especially if we go find a cologne that both pleases him and turns me on.  Success!

It's significant that the 2, 3 and 4 of Pentacles came up in this reading.  Why do you think that is?  I'd say that this issue can be handled in a down to earth, practical level, with some physical affection.

Now, what do you want to let your sex partner know that might be a touchy subject for them?  Would enjoy hearing your comments on the results you got with this spread.

With Love...